I'm a HORRIBLE blogger!!

Hello friends! It has been over three full months since I have written a blog. Awful! Brooklynn and I had such a whirl wind summer that I literally did not stop the whole time, at least not long enough to post a blog.

We are back to school and back to routine and we both have adjusted well. Brooklynn went to summer session but never went more than three days a week and some weeks she did not even go depending on what we had going on. There is so much I want to tell you guys about. I want to talk about what an exciting summer we had, where we are as a family, and all the new things in our life. If this post seems to jump around, just bare with me because my brain is all over the place this morning.

Let me just list some of the "big" things we did this summer.

• family trip with Robert, Jamie Lee, Lyv, and my sister Laura to visit our other brother and his family in Little Rock (had a blast)
• Bentleigh Kate was born <3
• family trip with Mom and Mr. Sid's side of the family to Grenada Lake
• t-ball was in June
• Brooklynn's dad came home twice and she spent several days with him both times
• beach trip to Pensacola with my sister and B. It was B's first time to the beach.
• lots of trips to Meridian to visit Mimi
• trip to Robert and Jamie Lee's new house in Bossier City for a whole week
• water parks, play dates, the swimming pool, getting a tan & sleeping late

Yeah I think that is all of the high points. Like I said, we made the most of our summer. I enjoyed being off so much and being able to go and do as I pleased. It was WONDERFUL!

This post is gonna be like information over load but I loved all the pictures I took this summer and want to share them with you guys.

This is the only pic I got of all four of them.

Reese, Lyv, Boogie, and Jonas

sweet first cousins

This was pic taken in Little Rock too. Sweet family.

All the girls chowing down on some watermelon.

sweetness

Brooklynn Rose sure was worried about her Shona.

She could not wait to meet BK but she was most concerned about Shona.

BK  was a day old here.

We visit BK all the time and Brooklynn thinks she is her big sister.

This was the first day at Grenada Lake

Aunt C and cousin Lee

Boogie and Poppa at Grenada Lake

Mom and I waiting for the firework show.

Excuse the swollen mouth I had just had my tooth pulled!

B with Tiny  before one of her T-ball games. She LOVES her Tiny.

B made this for her Daddy the first time he flew home.

sweet girl

First time to the beach.

We loved it.

sister & I

love this pic

In Meridian at Mimi's.

Hanny and B

(I did not realize how much my child wore this outfit)

At the River Walk

B lived in her "heel highs" this summer.

Bass Pro Shop doing a little shopping

love this pic

sweet cousins

Louisiana!!

Getting Brave

loving it

Grandma and B

How we spent MOST of our summer!

twins

love her

little priss

Oh yeah another big day this summer was when the new Justin Bieber cd came out!

B and Paw Paw out to eat one night

Just playing around

Brooklyn and Kennedy playing at Tiny's

B & Parker Man

cuties

My Dad & I

The best man I've ever known.

Brother and I

Gathering

Nikki & I on her bday!

Sweet Lyvi Love

sweetest kisses

Well all those pictures pretty much cover our summer. There was so much more but seeing how I have waited three months to blog there is no way I can cover it all. I love my job and I love that it allows me to be off during the summer. Brooklynn and I had so much!!

The very first day back to school I broke my foot. Lovely, I know.  Ever since then life has been yucky. I don't know what it was about the month of August but it was not good for me. I feel into a huge slump. I was happy to be back at work but annoyed that I had to wear that huge boot that came along with my broke foot. It was hot and annoying. All of the cute outfits I had bought for school did not look cute anymore when I added that awful boot! Everything was making me miserable. I couldn't shake the yucky mood or feeling depressed.

Motherhood was also challenging for me the month of August. I don't know if my bad mood was just spilling over or what the deal was. Brooklynn is such an easy child. She is smart, she likes to sleep, she dresses her self, she bathes herself, she is helpful, she is funny, and she is very loving. When those things are out of whack, I just don't know how to respond because she is always so easy. This month she has been going through some things that have just left me speechless. Acting out in ways that she never has before. She is dealing with some separation anxiety. I wont go into much detail but normally she would  gypsy off with Grandparents and never think twice about leaving me. The past two weeks that has changed. When invited to go with a grandparent she wants to go but cries to stay with me. Then she stays with me and cries for the grandparent. I'm not just talking about a little cry. I'm talking about a full on aggressive, emotional, break down. It's very hard to watch and very hard to figure out how to help with this.  Once she calms down then she gets angry with herself that she got upset and didn't go, which brings on more tears. This has happened with my dad, my mom, and with Brooklynn's Mimi. Y'all my child loves her grandparents so this is just so bizarre. There are lots of things that go on when she is having these break downs that I cant decide if they are a tantrum or if it's something deeper. I'm having a hard time relating to her and understanding her. This is something I am not used to and that causes me great grief.

This past Friday night it happened after I drove an hour to Meridian and she cried to go back home with me then cried the whole way home to go back to her Mimi's. I was so looking forward to a break and just having some time to myself. That did not happen! By the time we got home we were both crying. The month of August was catching up with me at the same time my child was coming apart at the seams. I got home and put her to bed. I was angry. I was hurt. I was confused. I was mad at myself for not knowing how to respond to her. I ran a hot bath and began to weep. I didn't cry, I wept. I was feeling lower than I have in a very long time. I was feeling lonely. I was realizing I was not as good at motherhood as I thought. The devil was lurking during my time of weakness and my brain began to wonder if I could do this. Am I good at this? I was feeling selfish for even wanting a "break" for the weekend. Every emotion possible was coming out of me and like I have said before, it was at that breaking point that I found relief. I called out to Jesus asking him to help me. I prayed for patience. I prayed for wisdom. I prayed that Jesus would comfort my little girl with whatever she was going through because I didn't know how to. I prayed that He would shake this depression I was in and to renew my spirit.

I went to bed  feeling heavy but at peace. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my precious little girl and just breathed her in. For several minutes I laid there thinking about the journey she and I have been on since the day she was born. I thought about the day I brought her home. I thought about the first time she smiled at me. I thought about the first time she sat up, crawled, and her first steps. I believe we loose memories if we do not revisit them and it felt so good to step back in time for a few minutes and remember those special times.

It's strange how life can seem fine one second and so overwhelming the next. I like to think I'm a strong person and that I can always find the right frame of mind even in difficult seasons of life. This past month, I have not been able to do that.

Saturday morning I woke up with a renewed spirit. Joy came with the morning just as our Lord promises. I vowed to make this month a much better one. I felt like I had the strength to shake off the dark clouds that had been lingering around in my life that I had actually allowed to be there. I was reminded that life is seasonal. It's not always grand and it's not always horrible. I have made some new commitments in my life and have changed my attitude. Fall is coming and it's my FAVORITE time of year. I promise to get back to blogging as I should!! I end this post hoping that all who read it remember that life is seasonal  and that sometimes we have to fall apart before we can be put back together.